I’m back, dang it!!
I have returned from a glorious week of vacation. A cruise without children, husband, telephones, television, e-mail, post offices,& grocery stores. Life is good. My sister in law and I went on a cruise to Mexico. I know it sounds odd to take a sister-in-law on a vacation. It’s a good thing to do. You don’t really know a woman until you have gotten dressed in a 10 x 5 cubicle called a “STATEROOM”(HA), pantyhose, bathing suits, borrowing shoes, lip liner and laughing your head off at a shower cap, all reminiscent of college days. Anyway since I have been back I have had the devil of a time adjusting to normal life. There are things you do on vacation that just aren’t accepted as normal. (Unless people suspect you are on high levels of medication). For example, on vacation it is acceptable to walk down a street singing the Macarena and dancing. If you try that at Wal Mart around here people are going to stop shopping, point and laugh. Although you will get a great deal of participation in certain ports of Mexico and even a few donations, locally your spouse will be called and children’s protective services will be notified of your erratic behavior. Another thing that is highly acceptable on a vacation cruise is to turn to another table during the dinner hour and just begin talking to people. Trust me, if you do this in the Western Sizzler you will have some serious problems. More than likely they will remember you from the Walmart Macarena performance, so, they will assume that while you apparently ran out of medication and were getting a refill the dosage has not quite gotten all the way through the system. These unfriendly people will be looking for you next time to see if you are pushing a borrowed dollar store shopping cart with a cat named Mr. Gadzooks selling paper flowers for extra money. Never mind them. What do they know? I am a Mayan Queen. I have eyes like the sea, blah, blah, blah, on and on and on. (Are you laughing at me? Didn’t you know I’m very famous in Mexico?) You see, when you go on a cruise, it’s the life you’ve only dreamed of. Someone is always cleaning and cooking for you.You merely drift from activity to activity, leaving a trail of dirty clothes & dirty dishes.The best part about this is that, for the most part, MEN have to do all the cleaning up. And they have to smile while they do and act like there is nothing they would rather do.You are a princess, the most beautiful woman on the ship (or so they say until they get their tips). It’s close to heaven ladies, I kid you not. BIG REALITY CHECK!! This will not happen at home. Something else I was unaware of until back at work this week is that apparently we have a quota smile system around here. We only smile for certain people and only certain amounts of time. On vacation my cheeks would ache at night from smiling and laughing. After a week of this I have some very strong smile muscles. I have gone about my everyday duties smiling and speaking to people with my vacation charm smile on. Do you believe I get just as many strange looks as when I do the Macarena in Walmart. I thought I must have broccoli in my teeth or something until I figured it out. It is just as foreign to us to smile and speak to strangers as it is to break out into the latest Latin line dance in a local retailer. We are all so busy going somewhere to smile and laugh that we forget to smile on the way there. So, I figured I have these smile muscles built up I might as well use them. So, If you hear of some smiling lunatic with a shopping cart and a cat named Mr. Gadzooks you’ll know I’ve just been doing a few errands around town. Oh yeah, one last thing. Although it is highly acceptable to compare tan lines standing in line to get a cab in Cozumel, you really don’t want to do that in Piggly Wiggly. Ho Hum. Back to reality.

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